I really need your help. Two years ago my husband of thirty years confessed to me he’d been having an affair with a coworker. Even though I suspected something was going on for a while I was devastated when he confirmed my suspicions. The affair was over long before he told me and he no longer works with this person but others had discovered the affair and he felt he should tell me before someone else did. In an effort to minimize the damage he lied to me about some of the details of the affair when I confronted him and I’ve had a difficult time trusting him about anything he’s told me since then.

We’ve agreed we want to save our marriage. We love each other very much and he is truly sorry about what he’s done. He has made real efforts to show me that he’s changed and wants nothing more than to build a stronger relationship with me from this point. Our problem is I simply cannot let it go. We have long time periods where we get along just fine and things are better than they’ve ever been but then something will remind me of the affair, or a lie he told me, and I am heartbroken all over again. He becomes angry that I’ve brought it up again and the fight is on.

He wants me to just forget what has happened and start over from here. He believes it is just that simple. I’m not so sure. As I said, it has been two years and I still cannot find it in my heart to forgive him and move on. I feel like if I do just forgive him and pretend like this never happened, he will do it again. How can I begin to put things back together?